it is in your self-interest to find a way to be very tender
—Jenny Holzer, “Truisms” (1983–1985)
BY SAFIA ELHILLO
it’s true doctor i am a firstborn a daughter
a fluvial child of loss & yes of course
i love blame it is my government it is my god
my own hand ready to take fault when disaster ignites
(if i had only called then [ ] would still be alive)
(if i wasn’t so often gone the house would not
have been broken into) & at night i make ablution
& heave my leathered knees into a prayer
to ask the large & featureless creator why & why & why
& when i finish i fold the mat & rise
turn to my own face in the mirror & list
because because because