Back to Issue Forty-Nine

Asthma

BY ALIYAH COTTON

At King St. Station

in Old Town

 

it is our income.

My mother

 

asks strangers

for money

 

as I hold her hand

and my chest rattles

 

behind the cardboard sign.

When there is nothing

 

for us

to count

 

in our box

I look instead

 

to the dogwoods

that guard

 

the station gate

and the daffodils

 

that grin

around the base

 

of each trunk

4 there

 

6 there

and there

 

          * * * *

 

At Fairfax Hospital

it brings Sarah to me

 

walking in with

a cookie & a wink

 

every night for 2 weeks.

Her scrubs are blue

 

like Cookie Monster

painted on the walls

 

and my mother’s

box of cigarettes

 

and the round

stickers on my chest.

 

When I leave

Sarah says

 

she never wants

to see me again

 

and I do not

understand

 

          * * * *

 

On Halloween night

in the little girl’s bedroom

 

it is the reason he pauses –

to glance down

 

at the wheezing

unabridged

 

churning

in her frame

 

brittle as

the twin bed

 

on which

she struggles.

 

She can see shapes

in the stipple ceiling:

 

a dog

a flower

 

crescent moon

beach umbrella

 

what else

what else

 

          * * * *

 

At night

it’s hard to breathe

 

because I cannot

remember

 

anymore

how her voice

 

sounded

in my lungs

 

as she read to me.

 

I think

it was about

 

a sun bear

no

 

a red panda

no

evidence for the necessity of my removal by child protective services

BY ALIYAH COTTON

For example, there were holes

in my mother’s faded blue jeans, the edges frayed

like the uncombed hairs lining her forehead.

This is how she answered the door.

 

For example, the contents of our refrigerator:

beer, an onion, three Capri Suns, and milk,

expired four days. The sky in my drawing

hung black at the top of the freezer

because there were no sky-colored crayons.

 

Our walls didn’t have pictures. What they did have

were cockroaches. I wasn’t old enough to be afraid

so I made a game of folding mail into paper planes,

aiming for the poor ugly things.

The corner behind the kitchen table

looked like an airport.

 

For example, I puffed on my inhaler

and watched the unnamed smoke creep

under my bedroom door as the music and

the loud voices boomed down the hall.

I knew never to call 911.

 

For example, I remember my mother

sitting on the sofa at night

doing coke and listening to Alicia Keys

by the glow of the TV. We slow danced to it.

Those were my favorite kind of nights.

Aliyah Cotton is a queer poet of color from Reston, VA. She earned her MFA from Boston University where she was a recipient of the Robert Pinsky Global Fellowship. Her work appears or is forthcoming in Emerson Review, Grub Street Literary Journal, Poetry, Prairie Schooner, Redivider, Rust & Moth, Salamander, Southern Humanities Review, and South Carolina Review. She was nominated for the 2024 Best of the Net Anthology.

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