PHONE LINE
by MORGAN ZACHARY
The last conversation I had with my mother was about love, about the un-father of her life. She was smiling—holding my hand, at the point of eating two Oreos and a ginger ale. At the almost almost dead. At the too many visitors saying things for the last time. At the had said everything for the last time and we weren’t ready for the silence of her. And then she was not breathing. And then the pipes froze and my favorite teacher died and I had sex with my ex-girlfriend and then she was. Still dead. I was crude and cruel. Learning to drop the un-mother of my life. I mastered the dropping of the un-mother of my life, the adjusting, the angles, keeping someone on the other side of the phone line. The phone line was not my life. The phone line was twenty-six and far more beautiful. I called too often. Repeated myself. Over and over. The day my mother stopped talking I called him. The day my mother stopped breathing I called him. I don’t remember if he picked up the phone. It didn’t matter. I kept asking very nicely. I was obsessed with asking very nicely. The last conversation I had with my mother was about the man who was very beautiful. She thought he was very beautiful. Everyone did. One day, I stopped calling. On his birthday, I told a woman about my mother’s ghost. She said that is your mind’s way of dealing with the grief of it. I tried to show her the scar around my finger but it wasn’t there and she was no longer listening. It was too easy to explain. In front of me, a man with four-inch heels and a fur coat is speaking—making me nervous. We are asking each other questions about our mothers. He answers them in halves. I don’t answer them at all. When the chaplain asked my mother if she was at peace, she turned to me and said no. He was surprised, kept redirecting the conversation.
Morgan Zachary is a Boston poet currently working towards his first collection. He is an undergraduate student at Boston University, pursuing a Dual Degree in Mechanical Engineering and English. Originally from Richmond, Virginia, he currently resides in the Brookline area.
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